thebibliosphere:

jenniferrpovey:

lalitrus:

jenniferrpovey:

unpretty:

beatrice-otter:

unpretty:

i can’t tell you how many times i have been completely taken out of the moment reading porn when they’re fuckin’ for the first time and going raw without even thinking about it

like bitch!! you don’t know where they’ve been!!! don’t just stick that in your mouth, goddamn

don’t even get me started on all the unwashed hands

#i mean even setting aside like #folks who are def grimy from Adventure just sticking their fingers places like it ain’t no thing

#there is also the issue of butt stuff #you wouldn’t think it would come up that often but like #i’m just readin and suddenly someone’s fingering an asshole without gloves #and i’m like ‘oh no’

#because they just. they never wash their hands afterward. #so the whole rest of the goddamn sex scene #i am hyperaware of the fact that one of these people has butthands #butt. hands. #hands all covered in butt.

#OR LIKE #they’ll straight-up have raw anal in the middle of something #and setting aside lube related issues #because obviously that ground is well-tread #then they’ll be idk on the run from the law or something #after their brief fuck #no one goes to the bathroom afterward #and i’m like man #that dude’s really just runnin all around with his dick all nasty #he’s just going through the rest of his day like that

#i’m not saying you’ve gotta write about it every time a character uses the bathroom just like #leave some time in there #do a skip #make it clear that they had time to like… take care of some things #no one should be running around right after anal that’s an accident waiting to happen is what that is

this is the nicest anyone has ever organized one of my rambling tag disasters

Learn about sex if you’re going to write about it. You don’t have to be “experienced,” but you have to do your research.

A couple of other points:

The first rubber condoms were produced in 1855.

HOWEVER, humans have been trying to develop barrier methods to contraception…uh…there is at least one cave painting which depicts a guy with SOMETHING over his penis. It’s hard to tell whether it’s a condom or a primitive attempt to protect his junk, though.

We can be sure that condoms, made of fine linen, were used by the Egyptians at least as early as 1000 BC. Drawings show condoms being put on, although it’s possible this was for some kind of ritual. Or maybe for ritual sex/sex with temple prostitutes.

Your fantasy world? It can have condoms. Really. Seriously.

And even if the society you’re writing doesn’t know about how STDs are transmitted, you can and should write in some kind of birth control and some basic hygiene. Because nobody wants to run around with their hands smelling like ass.

The Egyptians and Mespotamians knew about birth control. They tried things such as plugging the vagina during sex (with honey, acacia leaves, and lint). Other pessaries and contraceptive jellies havve been used. Acacia is apparently a decent spermicide. They also used contraceptive jellies, and women were encouraged to breast feed for longer (lactation suppresses fertility).

Various plants have been used as oral contraceptives, with highly variable degrees of success. Queen Anne’s lace is still used in rural parts of India and appears to be at least somewhat effective.

Herbal abortificents also have a long history. Some of the allegations against witches during the Middle Ages were that they were committing abortion and contraception - and some of them probably were (It’s also likely that Medieval “love potions” were attempts to treat reduced libido and/or erectile dysfunction).

The first IUD was invented in the 1920s.

In a fantasy world, you can pretty much decide for yourself what kind of herbal contraceptives are used and how well they work. That’s not even starting on magic.

In history, it pays to research what people of the time actually did, and look to modern studies to make a guess on how well it worked.

As an erotica editor (and humble purveyor of weres), it always amazes me how many people think including safe sex in their novels will mean people will think it’s unsexy or will “ruin the moment”. Spoiler alert, it doesn’t, not if you write it right. And as others have said above, once it becomes established in some fashion, you don’t have to write it in detail every time, it just becomes one of the background things that can go implied. But for it to be implied at all, it must first be referred to in some way.

For example, describing the use of condoms (or your method of birth control of choice for your universe) (which can also be used for other safety measures like lube, which yes, lube is a safety measure in some instances, as well as a pleasure enhancer, fucking fight me):

It can either be voyeuristic in nature: Aware he was being watched, he decided to make a show of it, a slow, sly smirk spreading over his features as he…”

something humorous but still sexy: “Here, let me,” she said, taking the condom wrapper from his trembling hands and breaking the seal, reaching for him as she…

or something as simple as: Their frantic kissing slowed only briefly as they fumbled together to take the necessary precautions, but once…

or even simpler: “Here, let me just grab a sheath,” he said, leaning up to reach for the side of the bed…

*

And as for clean up? Again you can do something as simple or showy as you like, maybe something that reveals some part of their character or relationship dynamic.

Tender: When [Name] reemerged from the bathroom he was carrying a damp cloth, which he used to wipe {Name} down with soft, tender caresses, cleaning up the worst of the mess…

Humorous: When [Name] reemerged from the bathroom he was carrying a damp cloth, which he threw squarely in {Name’s} face. “Get cleaned up, we have work to do.”

Simple: They’d need to get cleaned up, but for now they allowed themselves to drift pleasantly in the afterglow.

Even simpler: Later when they had gotten cleaned up…

*

Like it’s not all that difficult? But people fight so hard against it you’d think you were extracting a tooth. Inevitably these also tend to be the same kind of people who argue vehemently that the reason they don’t write consent scenes into their novels, particularly BDSM negotiation (!!!!!), is because it’s “unsexy” to discuss consent or safe words, “like who even does that?”, one memorable client asked me.

Which uh, is also the story about how I got into trouble at work that one time I told a client “people who know how to have good sex” as I nuked that particular bridge out of the water with the same tact and gentility of an orbital strike. But if you’re looking for basic ways to express consent in your work without requiring your characters to write a full written contract? (James)

• “Is that okay?”
  
• “Was that too hard?”
  
• “Tell me what you need…”
• “Have you learned your lesson? Or do you need more?” (works well for punishment play scenes)
• “What’s your safeword baby/sweetheart/darling/pet name of choice?”
• “Are you okay? Good, that’s good, you’re taking it so well…”
• “Red, yellow or green?” he asked, so low and soft it took me by surprise. “Green,” I breathed out, shivering as his hands…
• “You’re so squirmy” they laughed, “do you want me to let you up?”
• “Did you enjoy that, was that okay?” he asked, and I smiled lovingly up at him. “Yes, it was wonderful.”

Like I get it, we know the whole spontaneous “we can’t keep our hands off each other we just have to do it now now NOW” is a common and very appealing fantasy, but there’s also something to be said for being prepared, and the absolute scandalized delight of finding out your partner(s) want you so badly they brought lube with them on that camping trip/dinner party/secret mission you’re on to save the world. Like hot damn y’all. The world might be going to hell in a handbasket, quite literally depending on your narrative, but there’s always time for lube. And wash your dang hands!